Two of us, riding nowhere......on our way back home

The Petronas Towers KL

Malaysia was due to be our last country before heading home, and we flew to Sandakan on the east coast of Borneo for a three day jungle expedition. First stop was the world renowned orang-utan rehabilitation centre in Sepilok where orangs rescued from poachers, orphaned or otherwise saved from probable death are allowed to swing freely around the forest at will. After careful observation of these eerily human creatures, we can safely say that of all the great apes, these are undoubtedly the most orange.

Orang-Utan!

We then took an 80km boat journey into the heart of the Borneo jungle and spent three days watching proboscis and macaque monkeys, hornbills, eagles, herons, snakes and crocodiles, and managed to stuff ourselves stupid. The wildlife was amazing, in a beautiful setting on the river, so it was a sad day when we packed up for our flight to Kuala Lumpur.

Macaque, Borneo

Our one day in the Malaysian capital was inevitably action-packed (Chinatown, Petronas Towers, rambling markets) but we were soon on the way to the island of Penang for three days of chilled out swimming, mopeds and cheap eats in the night markets. From there we headed to the Cameron Highlands for a much needed cup of tea, for which the area is famous, and a bit of a sit down. Our final stop in Malaysia was the historic city of Melaka. Having found a lovely old hotel in the heart of Chinatown, we spent two fantastic days wandering round this Malaysian architectural gem, taking photos of Chinese architectural gems.

Georgetown Penang

Having failed to find any suitable accommodation on a single island in Malaysian, and being creatures of habit, we decided to abandon our original plan and instead pursue our good friend Kate, who we hadn’t seen for at least 10 days, back to Thailand. One stomach-churning flight later and we were stalking her in Koh Phangan, little brother to Koh Samui and a delightful place to chill for the last leg of our trip. Six days of swimming, snorkelling, massages, rum, hangovers and spring rolls later and we are about as relaxed as we can be.

Preparing for action on Kho Phangan

The only sour note came in the last 10 minutes of our final moped outing; the official investigation will no doubt clarify the exact sequence of events and strike a judicious balance between forensic enquiry and finger-pointing, but it appears J lost control of the bike at some point and the Ryders’ tour itinerary suddenly included a particularly rough patch of Thai tarmac at close quarters. The bike was more damaged than we were, but it seemed a good time to sheepishly hand over our comedy crash helmets to the sheriff and call it a day for motorbikes.

All good things must come to an end and we are now sat by the pool contemplating our last night in Thailand before a long flight home via Singapore. It seems like an age ago that we landed in Rio, and we are ending our trip in the way it began, in poolside luxury. We are looking forward to seeing family and friends and catching up with everyone we have missed, including the cat, who is now either extremely thin or has happily forgotten that we ever existed; less appealing is the prospect of life on the dole and endless re-runs of the Jeremy Kyle show.

To say we have had a fantastic time would be an understatement. There are too many highlights to chronicle now (if you’re lucky we will bore you with a 2,000 photo slideshow when we get back) and lots of them are in previous posts. But if your attention has wandered over the last 28 weeks here is our big adventure, condensed into a handy pocket-sized paragraph….

We have visited eleven different countries on three different continents, from the deserts of Atacama to the steaming jungles of Borneo and snow-capped mountains and glaciers of Patagonia. We have slept in 85 different beds, from bare boards surrounded by chickens and pigs to luxurious five-star suites. We have (not) counted countless monkeys, photographed endless birds, swum with dolphins and washed an elephant in the river. We have taken 24 different flights (including the plane we jumped out of) and spent innumerable hours on buses, trains and motorbikes. We sampled 46 different beers (J has counted) and tried the local drink of choice wherever we’ve been, from caipirinhas on the beach in Rio to moonshine rice whiskey in Laos. We have eaten frogs for breakfast (and I use the term ‘we’ loosely here, one of us played the veggie card) and sampled more spring rolls than was thought humanly possible. But most of all, we have met some amazing people on the way, made some great new friends and caught up with a few old ones as well.

And it's goodbye from us.....

So this sadly brings us to the end of our trip, and in turn the great experiment that was Ryders on Tour. We hope the blog was even a fraction as enjoyable to read as it was to research and write. We look forward to seeing you all in the very near future.

Julian and Cath Ryder.

Off she went with a trumpety trump. Trump, trump, trump.

Rice fields in nothern Laos

We left you in Luang Prabang, northern Laos, where the rain never seemed to stop (vote with your feet if these constant weather reports are getting boring, but we are in Asia and it is the wet season). Given that lounging by the pool was a non-runner, some other form of indulgence was called for. We opted for shopping for souvenirs (destined for some lucky readers of this blog), daily pampering for C and a course in Laos cuisine for J, adding yet another arrow to his bulging quiver of culinary tricks.

Laos was once known as the Land of a Million Elephants but logging and loss of habitat have sadly downgraded it to the Land of a Thousand Elephants. We thought a day at an elephant sanctuary (where the elephants have either been rescued or retired from the logging industry) was in order, before they disappear altogether. We opted for the mahout training course – surely a valuable skill in Hove – and got to ride on the neck of the elephant. We discovered later our elephant was blind and felt its way with its trunk; much like a blind person uses a stick, though this didn’t impact much on our mahout skills. At the end of the day, the elephant waded into the river with us on her back for a thorough scrub. Much ducking and diving later, we were just about clinging on, and the elephant was hopefully a little cleaner.

Pachyderm madness

Our final stop in Laos was Luang Nam Tha, near the border with China and Burma. Satisfying our craving for moped madness, we scootered 60kms to the Chinese border, a picture postcard journey of rice fields and jungle-clad mountains. However, we were really here for the kayaking, and signed up for a two day river trip through the jungle. Day one was all about honing our kayak skills on the rapids – hence some spectacular man-over-board incidents and the temporary loss of luggage (luckily retrieved further downstream). We found our mojo on day two, having spent a night sleeping on the floor or a hut in a remote village with no roads, electricity, TV, internet, or mobile coverage - much like Chippenham in the 1990s.


Our home for the night on the Nam Ha river

 From Laos we crossed overland to Thailand. A brief sojourn in Chiang Mai was notable chiefly for fantastic food and a shambolic afternoon when we got a puncture on our moped 15kms up a mountain road. Luckily we were helped by possibly the nicest people in Thailand, who flagged down a jumbo tuk-tuk, halted all the traffic (20,000 people were walking up to a shrine that day) and helped us load the bike in the back for a hang-dog journey back into town.



Temples of Bangkok

 We are now in-transit on our way to Borneo from Bangkok. Bangkok is probably best described as a place to briefly experience, rather than linger, but was a great city to catch up with a friendly face in the form of the ever lovely Kate Curtis, who is just setting off on a trip similar to ours. More temples were ticked off and spring rolls consumed, and our last night included a visit to the infamous Patpong red light district. This being a family-orientated travel blog, it would be impossible to describe what we saw; let's just say that in homage to an already much missed Sunday paper, after five minutes of the show your reporters made their excuses and left.  

Highlight: Hello?  Did you not read the above, we washed an ELEPHANT, in the river….

Lowlight: The journey from Luang Prabang to Luang Nam Tha was a shocker, crammed in a minivan for 10 hours with our knees around our ears, not helped by the state of the roads in Laos. The most entertaining moment was watching the bus in front being pushed out of muddy landslide. The public bus to the Thai border was much more entertaining, two to a seat at times, live chickens rolling around in a sack on the floor, and we had to be bump started by the driver’s mates.

Monkey count: just the one, but it was chained up and being kept as a pet, and it made C very sad, so it doesn’t really count.

In other news: in an update on the most perilous load situation, on way to kayaking we passed a flat-bed truck with a fully grown adult elephant on the back. How this four tonne beast got on the truck, or stayed there, is anyone’s guess, but it didn’t look very relaxed as it went speeding down the road.

Bath time