Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl…..

First stop Rio. Everyone has seen photos of this extraordinary city, but even flying in at night we were unprepared for the sprawling size of the place, and the geography that shaped its development. Waking up in Ipanema and getting our first look at Rio was breath-taking; towering mountains in the middle of the city, huge lakes, mile upon mile of beautiful beaches even Brighton residents can only dream of, and the skimpiest leisure-wear known to man.

We dutifully ticked the tourist boxes, including Sugarloaf Mountain (by cable car) and Christ the Redeemer (by rickety cog train). Both were stunning, and had the statue of the big guy not been shrouded in mist, would have been equally so – but the views from Sugarloaf were incredible. Watching life go by with a cocktail on Copacabana beach is an experience not to be missed if you ever visit Rio.

A pilgrimage to the Maracana football stadium followed, at Cath’s insistence. Given that this will be the showpiece for the World Cup in three years time, they have some serious work to do before FIFA can safely plaster the entire area with Mastercard and McDonalds logos. A true shrine of world football, it’s a sad and battered spectacle at the moment – it is shut till 2012 at least so hopefully they can get their act together before then.

Our overall impressions of Rio were of a devotion to handbag-sized dogs Paris Hilton would envy; men parading around half naked – the fatter the man, the smaller the thong; and an idea that our next career step, assuming the Audit Commission doesn’t rise, Lazarus-like from the dead, would be to become plastic surgeons in Rio – everyone is doing it, and frankly we were lucky to escape without a nip and tuck ourselves.

So, we bade farewell to beautiful, crazy, sweaty, half-dressed Rio on Saturday and are now residing in an island paradise a few hours west.  Ilha Grande is a bit like the Isle of Wight, in the sense that it is an island.  Wildlife abounds here, especially the birds (sitting on the veranda watching the hummingbirds can keep Cath entertained for hours) and the snorkelling today was an unexpected surprise.  We have a few more days of R&R here before we move on.    

Highlights: endless beach life in Copacabana and Ipanema.

Lowlights: shambling around having our bank cards rejected from every ATM in Rio, with the princely sum of £4 in our pocket for our stay (sorted out through the marvels of Skype and a short-tempered phone call with NatWest).

Caipirinha count: 7 (expect this to shoot up exponentially now we have discovered the roadside stall selling them for £2)....make that 9.

Monkey count: 0